Time

My dear mother has been on my heart a lot. I want to spend more time with her but my visits are often rushed. So much of my time is filled with meaningless hustle and bustle while loved ones around me are taken for granted. Why do we work so hard and put so much into making “an income” rather than making a life? There is an end to life but for some reason even at my age I find it hard to believe. I must remind myself that reality says my days are numbered. None of us are given the promise of even one more day. Time is wasting.

I remember a childhood story. I believe it was called “No Time.” It was the story of a little boy who had a love worn teddy bear. He asked his mother to sew it up where it had begun to come apart. The mother told him she’d do it later, she didn’t have time right now. He’d go away and come back again and again repeating his request and every time his mother had the excuse she was just too busy. One day while she was scurrying through her work she heard the horrendous screech of brakes out on the street in front of their house. Her heart dropped. She ran to the window and saw the lifeless body of her little boy being pulled from under the car. Now alone and in grief she held the child’s ragged teddy bear to her chest and cried, “I sewed your teddy bear up with nice even stitches.” “I now have all the time in the world.” But it was too late. Time was gone. Time was buried with her child.

Looking back I realize even the days of my childhood were numbered. And the days of that life flew much too quickly by. I feel I will lose the child heart I still hold onto when alas my dear mother goes away. The little girl inside of me will be laid to rest, for as long as my mother remains a constant I can remain a child.

Yes life is a valuable gift. When will we come to realize it? What will we have to lose to slow down and find TIME. When will we appreciate the family we’ve been given? When will we realize that they are every bit as good as the next one? When will love be important enough to cherish the moment?

Truly I’m not criticizing the worker just the ability to find the proper balance. I hate to see the lazy who suck off of the diligent but I also hate to see the overachiever who has forgotten to love and live. I am by no means calling myself an overachiever but somehow I am feeling spread thin. Everyday I find life whizzing by because of the enormous amount of constant to dos. Family is often times a strained word and rather than taking our lives seriously knowing we are but dust in the wind, here today gone tomorrow, we bicker and bite.

I admire my dogs. They are creatures seemingly beneath us but they offer a great lesson to be learned. They love without reservation and for them, there is always time to love. I am so grateful my Mother has been found by her wonderful dog. Yes, good ole’ “Boy” as she has chosen to call him. He has taken the the roll of companionship to an old lady. He grows fat from lack of exercise but he was given a mission and he fulfills it well. Tomorrow I will bring him a new bag of food and treats. I’ll bring a smile to my mother’s face as I toss his toy and take a moment away from my time with her to play with him. Ah but it’s not a moment from her because she enjoys the game as much as her furry friend. He is her heart and he is my heart extended to her. He is the time I can’t find. It is certainly a comfort but not enough for again I find myself wiping yet another tear of regret. The winter again is upon us. Another year is soon to pass. Tomorrow I will look for more time.